| What God has been teaching me:
God has been teaching me so much in this past year! He has taught me that in my relationship with God, it does take effort on my part, but to seek his help with it. If all I do is try and try to make a relationship with God work, I will end up very frustrated on how it is doing, because I need to seek his help in it. My relationship with God has become more of a friendship and a daughter- daddy relationship this year. In friendships, and relationships, it takes effort from both parties for the relationship to work. I feel as if in the past, I have not been letting God put any effort into the relationship. For example, I have not been asking Him what a passage means, instead, I try to formulate an answer for it in my head. When I prayed, it was and still is hard to keep concentration on the prayer and my mind often wonders. This frustration lead to guilt. Guilt led to me not feeling worthy enough for having a relationship with Him. I still do not feel worth of having a relationship with him, but in a different way. God gave his one and only Son and He gives me so much grace and mercy, which I do not deserve and never will becasue of all the sin in my life.My guilt isn't dragging me down anymore. I have learned to release the guilt. If I don't do a quiet time with God for a day, I don't feel guilty about it anymore, I just have one the next day.
God has also taught me that there is more to just the "normal life" outside of high school. God opened a possible door this fall. This door was going to Equador for a period of three years to serve as a full time nanny for a missionary family. I had just gotten back from a weekend at Kentucky Christian University where I realized that it was my dream college. I thought that was where I would be going. My brain was like a window. All I saw through the window was the typical lifestyle for me after high school. The typical lifestyle included college, teaching at a school, raising a family and living the society conformed American Dream life... boy did God show me that I was wrong. There is so much more than the American dream life after high school. God has so many different directions that he could call me too.I just need to listen to what that direction is for my life. If he shuts doors, he shuts doors, just like he did in the ecuador situation. When he does shuts doors, he teaches me lessons that will last a lifetime and help me to grow in my relationship with Him. |
